Why you should donate like, a fucking dollar to Wikipedia

This post was going to be about how shitty music is nowadays (again), but I realized something as I was doing research at the only place I've ever done any research, perhaps because of the angry-looking hippie at the top of the page I was researching (that page, of course, being "Purple Drank"):


While I don't support his decisions about his hair, I do support this guy's point: We should donate money to Wikipedia. And I mean literally, just send them a dollar or something. I've been making jokes about using Wikipedia as my only source since I started writing in college, but they're only jokes insofar as they're completely, 100 percent accurate and true statements. And I'm not alone.

Wikipedia is the seventh-biggest web site on the entire Internet, beating out Twitter, Google Japan, Yahoo! India and eBay. It's one of those sites that you don't measure by page views, you measure by percent of global internet users that access it. And for Wikipedia, that's 14 percent. Fuzzy math means that at least 260 million people access Wikipedia. That's not too much because with The Beer Gut's current traffic, i can catch up to their traffic in a scant fourteen thousand fucking years.

Wikipedia is everywhere, to the point where I wanted to do research for this post so I WIKIPEDIA'D WIKIPEDIA. I'm going insane guys, just donate a fucking dollar so I can get back to my life.

Wikipedia is everywhere now, especially since the report six years ago that -- whoops! -- they're about as reliable as Encyclopedia Britannica. I had college classes where professors presented things sourced directly to Wikipedia. You find it in the footnotes of textbooks. We're already paying people to tell us what they found on Wikipedia, so how come we don't slip a couple bucks in the direction of the people that are actually doing something for society?

So listen to that hippie from Wikipedia and toss them a couple bucks. Wikipedia basically runs on duct tape and hope (they don't run ads despite the fact that they were valued at hundreds of millions a few years ago), and meanwhile Ke$ha is signed to a $4 million recording contract? Seriously, Ke$ha and Jimmy Wales. One of these people is covered in glitter, and the other one is also covered in glitter but wants to teach you things and enrich your life.

Don't make me get desperate and bring out my secret weapon to guilt you into donating:
Because I'll do it. Every day, people spend money on Ke$ha albums. For one dollar, your children might live in a world where there's still actual things you could learn.

Don't be an asshole.

Super-edit: Hi, I'm getting a lot of traffic (for me) from all you nice Wikipedians that liked this post. So if you thought this was funny, then you should know that all of this blog attempts to be funny, and some of it even is. I invite you to stick around. Thanks, that's all.